Isaiah 49;10

They will neither hunger nor thirst,

This golden verse rang and rang in my aching head. The war in my rumbling stomach a sore reminder that hunger was what I felt, not the need to defecate what wasn’t there.

Rain puddle from the previous week still graced the tiny path I dragged my suddenly heavy body through, the earth in this moment lived in the reality of this verse more than I did. Well, I don’t know if it hungered but it definitely wasn’t thirsty.

My sunken eyes now saw stars, glittery giant stars covered what was the biggest bowl of rice in front of the eyes of my imagination. My tongue lashed out in the most gratifying sense of appetite as my legs fought for balance beneath me. I strove hard almost losing a hold of whatever balance I had left. It will be insult on injury not to make it past this rain puddle at least. The tears were welling up but I couldn’t part with what body water I had left so I took a swallow. They went right back in as I managed to get past the one thing that I was so jealous of at the moment.

Neither shall the heat or Sun smite them

Maybe he meant to say ’neither shall the heat nor sun smite always’ because the sun smote me real hard on days when it didn’t rain. The sun’s intensity of late makes me think of how grievous my sins must be.

The back of my neck will easily be the darkest portion of my very dark skin. In the morning, it shines with such shy innocence, the same with which a child crawls after every crawling creature oblivious of the harm it could cause. By mid-day, it’s at its full strength like a raging lion seeking what to devour.

I had a sick feeling in the pit of my empty stomach, the kind you have after throwing up all the contents of your stomach and there’s nothing more but you keep retching and the only way to get hold of a breathe is by clenching your fists on your sides and allowing the spasm pass. (And that’s even you don’t faint from fist clench).

Oh, the sun today was shining in all of its glory and there was not a single cloud in the sky.

Passersby looked on, with grim expressions, minding their business. Some looked happy; no worries probably, others were either speaking on the phone or furiously punching on their buttons.

For he that has mercy on them, shall guide them, even by the springs of water shall he lead them.

I didn’t bear the weight of the World anyone, the rags I had on my body did. It bore cold, heat, harmattan, wind storms and yet kept me covered for years unending. All thanks to it, I would have easily passed for a crazy teen. My shoulders have gone slack; I was throwing in the towel.

The life of laughter, love and food seemed now like a childhood dream, yet I know I was there but it felt so unreal. My mother’s famous verse has been my constant companion since she gave up the ghost. Mother was Father too, Father left immediately I was born. Certainly now, I will never know why he did leave.

As the retrospect of what life I had lived flashed before my eyes I began to feel light headed like a drug addict climbing the ladders of his high. I tried to fight it but my body began to shut down in exhaustion. My mind wanted to stay open but it couldn’t, the light seemed too far, it was like a life time away. The worms in my stomach trashed violently against its wall and as I frantically tried to gasp, I lost hold of my will.

I drifted into unconsciousness and it felt like walking on a bed of roses without thorn. It was the most peaceful and briefest window to heaven I’ve ever had until my dry patched lips felt the coolness of water and the lane of my aching throat swallowed in hope.

‘Get –her—to- the- van! Pinch- her -nose! Lay her down ……….’ Such were the voices I heard from the distant, “you are alive” whispered the softest voice I’ve ever heard. Stay with me, just stay with me.

He did mean what he said, I thought before slipping back into the depths. He was there, on the side walks with the biggest smile ever seen. "You have to stay now, he whispered". "There's so much for you to do here", the blinding light around and about him was the last thing I saw, before slipping quietly back into consciousness.