a letter to love

Dear love,

I’ve read of you in books. Seen pictorial illustrations of what you could be. I’ve listened to songs, timeless compositions – confusing lyrical renditions. I’ve seen movies, classic movies which do you no justice. In my bid to know much, my poor mind created scenes upon scenes of what you could be. I have done me no good in looking for you in people who claim to know you but really don’t.

The said have despised you, married you, cried over you, fought hard for you, they have lied on your account. Rent hearts in pieces, made home into crumbles, they’ve torn families apart for their wild claims.

I’ve looked for you in eyes, wild gestures, lips locking, body mating – say I’ve looked for you in mistakes but I like them found you not.

My best friend has seen who you’re so not twice in the arms of ones undeserving. And yet in you, she has risen above both – stronger.

In your name for the sake of religions, many have died ignorantly. The good book tells of their end – in blazing fire forever. They have displaced other beings. Made children into orphans. Parents childless and countries inhabitable for even the smallest creatures.

Sons of men on your account have killed their brothers. They call it survival of the fittest but I like you now know it’s none of your pure nature. It is the lust for control the same.

That girl is at the mercy of strange preying eyes. Her next few minutes are unsafe. The stalker creeps up on her so, and he calls it love. But we know, you and I that this one is the Obsession.

The noblest man I used to know. Full of life, knowledge and essence. He drew nearer to his bottles Love. His habitual reaching out soon became drunkenness. He says in it he finds solace. But what solace is there in wearing a mask over your true self.

A while ago, I thought you found me. In the heart of one I cherished more than my life. We made promises that now won’t be fulfilled. We built castles in the air, broke boundaries and in this our life I lost myself. As much as I woke up to this, I held on. Hoping that somehow the memories will last a while longer. I had such high hopes for getting back to the basics. The basics that gave way to whatsoever it was afforded.

The harsh realities of life taints even the fondest memories of all. Our actions, as well take hurtful tolls on the matters of our hearts.

Yes I couldn’t fully explain why. But I had to let go. I had to find myself once again and in this truth alone can I be reborn. He said to me; “you have given up on us”, “do you know how many times I’ve felt this way and never gave up?”. He did not know, it was not for him. It was for me, for a war raged within and I was tired of running away from it. I realized also, that when you define certain relationships, and you truly will be true – sometimes, you have to go. Not for lack of feeling or respect, but so it never becomes your wreckage.

My one decision broke my heart love. I saw the World in a different light. I couldn’t imagine living without him. He was my everything.

I felt pain. Excruciating agony. My words can never describe them.

And in my silence. In my moments of managing my pain, a silent whisper came to me. As soft as feathers. The same voice that silently reaches out. It has always been there but I paid no heed.

This calming voice led me to my mirror. And the mirror gave me back in turn what I had given to it – a complete reflection of me. In this singular moment, it said in all passion “but you should look through you first, before you seek out others”. “For how you love you is how you teach others to love you”. But isn’t it selfish I thought, or beyond our morals even.

“You are not made for you it said, for how does a tree bear fruits if it’s not sufficient for itself first?”

“Yes, it is aided by nutrients, water and others. But how do we harvest fruits if it doesn’t tap from the source?”

“You are not here for the vanities the World offers. You were made to see love in the simplest actions, the sincerest measures, in the most awkward moments. A sincere smile.

A simple text.

A phone call.

One little word of encouragement.

The cheapest gift given from a heart that doesn’t grumble.

A hand lent when the other is low.

Soften eyes.

Food shared without complain.

A heart that constantly seeks good not for just itself.

A forgiving heart.

A gesture of courage.

A voice for the voiceless”

“And if you never learn to treat yourself so, how will you reach out to the World burdened with so much pain in your heart?”

Such was your voice love. And in your voice I’ve found the strength again to love myself. I may not be quite there yet. But every day, I move. A step farther away from the ills of the past.

I see how much you have encompassed me. You have always been in front of my eyes.

I promise to never give up until I spread your purity and bountifulness by my daily living.

Yours

Motolani.